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Season 22 Episode 2: Fantasy Heels 9





Sometimes big muscled men never get to reach their full potential in the ring. Wrestling management has this tendency to pit beautiful guys against raggedy beasts, the type that compensate for their physical shortcomings with masterful technique and raw, unchained sadism. As such we rarely get to watch a macho man strut his stuff, show what all that muscle is capable of, and witness a muscle god in full form. Luckily, for every lurking predator that might threaten the muscle man’s ever swelling ego, there is a twink ready to prime and feed that bodybuilder ego.


Of the latter exhibition, gingery hot stuff, Charlie Evans is set to go head to head with the ravenous animal Biff Farrell, a densely built, blue eyed stud. MDW is earning a two-fold reputation as a place where bodybuilders get smashed, but also a haven for maltreated muscle to get its day in the sun. Biff barely takes a moment to bask in the warmth of his impending victory; his burgeoning alpha cells urge him to reshape the features of the figure in front of him with haste and enthusiasm. At long last the all-American hunk will be the one taking charge of the ring, savoring the screams that announce him as the winner.


Farrell’s first offense sets the pace for a high octane muscle show, scooping Charlie off his feet like an angry gale, effortlessly contorting the slim stud’s back with an aggressive grip. Outmatched ginger boy is caught in the eye of the tornado, sobs of ‘what did I get myself into’ escape Charlie’s constricted lungs. What is more painful than any regular Bear-hug is a Bear-hug from beefy Biff Farrell, and more painful than that, is when Biff heaves Charlie’s limpening carcass into the ring post as if chopping wood with an axe named Evans. When Biff is satisfied beating up the ring post with Charlie’s ragdoll body, he hoists the undersized cruiserweight back into his merciless Bear-hug. Evans desperately wriggles his near lifeless limbs with as much strength as he can muster; he must escape this hold or lose his soul to it. By the good-grace of Biff, the hold is relinquished, Charlie regains his freedom, but before the ginger has time for a breath of relief he learns that man can fly, if propelled by Biff Farrell. Evans is worried about whether or not he can get up; Biff alleviates the need for concern, strutting towards the slim boy, chucking him off the mat like a ten-pound weight. Time for another bone-grinding Bear-hug!

Biff’s attack evolves, eventually creating Bear-hug/Suplex combos that have Charlie, reeling, hurting and screaming. Submissions start to add up, although these are really more aptly, torture holds, to be released not by Evans tapping out, but by the sole satisfaction of Biff with the damage he has inflicted. The size disparity between Bodybuilder Biff and lean boy Charlie is emphasized in every hold; Biff is absurdly jacked, enough so that one of his arms would have been amply sufficient to dispatch of competition like Evans. Farrell’s arms are thicker than Charlie’s legs, so it is no wonder that Evans encapsulates the meaning of helpless, coiled by the King Cobra. The law of the jungle has never looked more beautiful. This mismatch highlights all the facets of the physics of big vs small. Biff is a couple inches shorter than Charlie but over one-hundred pounds more muscular than the twink. If ever you’ve wondered if a bodybuilder could spin a twink like a helicopter, Biff and Charlie answer that question and many more.

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