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Season 42 Episode 1: ZZZ 21



Former special forces commando and aptly named wrestling bruiser Tank, is equipped with a heavy arsenal of moves, all of them with one design in mind, to crush, constrict and break whomsoever crosses paths with the juiced-up army man. Bulky, sweaty, slab of hunk Damien Rush however believes he has the combat veteran well scouted and can drain Tank of all his ammo if Rush can manage to seduce the big man into a mat match.

To that end, Damien sets a trap, luring Tank into a “friendly wrestling contest.” It hardly takes any convincing at all on the part of Rush, who butters up Tank’s already planet-sized ego by giving him a hearty muscle worship rubdown, filled with a bevy of commendations (which by all counts seem to be true observations) about how hard Tank is from head to toe. Tank seems especially sold by Rush’s insinuation that Tank must be a masseuse in his off time given the strength of his grip. Rush reasons that the twofold snare of convincing the commando of his greatness while Rush himself plays the part of awed-over fanboy will lead the vessel of destruction down the path of submission by Damien’s hand.

Phase one completed, Daddy’s Boy Damien gives Tank coordinates to the wrestling den. The cocky pair meet up in equally form-fitting singlets but before long Tank takes his straps down, revealing his stacked stock of beefy stature, already coated in gleaming man-sweat. The contest starts heating up as Tank proves to be a handful, displaying his army-trained strength that finds the veteran in the driver’s seat, applying submissions and sheer physicality to the scheming Damien, who is either still biding his time or genuinely overpowered as he suffers through front and back bearhugs, rear chin-locks, mounted crucifix positions and other compromising holds.

Rush’s plan seems to be bearing the first signs of fruit though as gradually the crafty daddy’s boy is able to employ wrestling savvy to overcome pinning predicaments and slowly but surely, Damien battles his way back against Tank’s onslaught, matching his opponent’s brawn with the tools of the trade.

Tank’s high-power offense is effective but demanding on the gas tank. As Damien employs high-school wrestling fundamentals with the aid of the accumulating sweat slipperiness building between the combatants, Tank finds it difficult to continue asserting himself the way his testosterone-filled self-importance demands. Rush wears not only on Tank’s cardio but also grates on the combat veteran’s nerves, taunting the soldier with each swing of the battle. After a solid period of back-and-forth fighting, Rush finally, fully sinks his hooks into Tank, by means of a triangle submission, in which Damien screams at Tank to give up or go out. The solid soldier refuses to quit, instead going out on his shield as his limbs limpen in Damien’s lock.

Like any gracious champion, Damien stands above his fallen foe, gleaming and gloating in an extended victory parade. So enraptured in his accomplishment is Rush that he fails to notice Tank regaining his wind and slinking off to find something stashed in his gear. Damien is still incredulously admiring his own greatness when Tank returns and from behind slaps a rag soaked with toxic fumes over the big, ever-running mouth of Daddy’s boy. To Tank, there’s no such thing as cheating, only winning and losing and he’ll be damned before being called a loser. Now the army man has Rush at his mercy but won’t be satisfied until he can put Damien to bed for good. Damien may have a penchant for this, yet this time might take the cake for the ultimate case in which Daddy’s boy chose the wrong guy to piss off. Now Rush is in a desperate struggle for air and Tank is strapped into the task of taking that air away again and

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